your spring tomatoes now look like
wilted stalks of celery?
Does your winter wardrobe have
hangar burns from going in and out
of the storage closet several
times a week?
your children march off to school
clad in shorts, sandals, t-shirts,
wool gloves, and parkas?
your calendar say Spring but the
thermometer says Winter?
your electric meter spinning out
of control with both the air
conditioner and the electric
heater running on the same day and
often at the same time?
you suffered emotional stress
trying to decide whether it is
time to uncover the swimming pool
or enroll your children in ice
your yearly “Spring Garage
Sale” include your long-johns on
the “everything’s a dollar
table,” leaving you stranded and
shivering the next day?
Groundhog proclaimed to the world,
and Facebook, that we would have
an early spring.Millions of closets were
then stripped of winter shoes and
clothing that would be outgrown by
the next winter and donated to
local thrift stores, only to be
re-purchasedby the original donors the
next day.The entire Southland whose
definition of winter is a couple
of days below freezing, has been
tricked intoforsaking Snicker bars,
Mocha Frappes, cheesecake, and
dusting off “Sweating to the
Oldies” prematurely in
anticipation of an early Spring
and the new swim suite line.Where there should be tan
lines, too many are suffering from
you or a loved one or two or three
have suffered from this
misrepresentation of spring’s
arrival perpetrated and instigated
by an incompetent groundhog, then
join this class action suit
against the dumb Groundhog.
1-800-Sue-the-Hog. A member of the
law offices of Mason, Dixon, and
Southern will handle your claim.Southerners will be given
preferential treatment, as it was
a Yankee hog causing the problem.