…
Everybody comes from somewhere. If a someone becomes
“somebody” and their somewhere is “where you are from” it gets
exciting. … A young lady, multi-decades removed from me, has leap frogged
from “local pretty girl” to Internet cheesecake to a bona-fide TV screen
siren. Jaime Pressley grew up in MY HOME TOWN.
Both of us born and bred among the hushpuppies and tobacco fields of
the same “Downeast” town. If you think that’s a hot
topic for beauty parlors and back fences … YOU’RE RIGHT!
Jaime
Pressley busted out in primetime this Fall. Up til
then, our hometown’s most famous femme fatale was the
girl that married Lee Iacocca about 20 years ago.
With his first wife hardly cold in the grave, Lee, in his late 60s at
the time, got himself hitched to our 30-ish “former flight
attendant”. The May-December nuptials
didn’t thrill Lee’s grown children.
Around town. all this
gal’s old beaus expected “the tabloids” to come acalling ready to pay
for
juicy background. Apparently Lee’s blushing bride had not
been “saving herself” for Mr. Right, Mr. Old or Mr. Rich. If
she had been, THAT would have been news-worthy. As it was
…. Yawn. No windfall profits for the local bon vivants
hanging around the putting green at the country club … DRAT!
Alas, before you could say “iron-clad pre-nup” it was
splitsville. Ol’ Lee did have a goofy
grin on his face for 6-8 months after he changed the locks on his Detroit-area
mega-mogul mansion.
The local community hucksters never got
around to posting that city limits sign “The former Mrs Lee Iacocca
was from Here.” But it’s a possibility this
time around with Jaime Pressley.
It’s not a unique story
but still special when it’s local. Young girl grows up in
sleepy Southern town dripping with middle class values and all sorts of
Mayberry similarities. (NOTE: Refer to BobLee’s all-time
classic 2003 column “Pretty DownEast Wimmen”).
Her first magazine cover at 13 revealed that “she had
IT”. “IT” was oozing out all over her,
bustin’ her buttons and straining the denim seams of her poured-in jeans.
… and the
kinfolks said … Jaime you need to move away from there. Said
Californee is the place you oughta be. So she loaded up the
mini-van and moved to Beverlee. Hills, that is … swimming
pools, movie stars, cheesy agents, casting couches and video cameras.
First thing ya know … Jaime’s a B-movie vixen of
international repute. Her au natural ima
ges
appeared on dorm room ceilings and in those cinderblock XXX porno-palaces next
to used car lots Not to mention in the erotic daydreams of
the Howard Spragues of the world … and even admired in lesbian love dens
where “they do” whatever it is that “they do” with each other.
Get your picture taken striding a
Harley Hawg wearing stilettos, a g-string, and a smile.
People are going to take notice. They will have
opinions about you doing it, especially in a small town.
As you would expect, our small
Southern town has a rasher of busybodies and nabobs. I am
related to some doozies. Jaime did not seek my approval to
do what she does. Nor did I consult her about my lurid
occupation.
The Tobacco buy-out is old news.
Jim Hunt’s Global TransPark scam made Jim Hunt's cronies
rich but left the community poor. The beauty parlours
and backfences were hungry for fodder. The Pressleys went
back 3+ generations so everybody claimed to know them and/or her.
Jaime was a mere nymphet when she separated from her parents at 15 and
headed west. LA eats up nymphets like Orca feeding on a
school of herring. Most disappear. Some,
like Jaime Pressly, emerge a few years later as “screen
sirens”.
A not dissimilar career path was followed
by a pretty girl from North Myrtle Beach back in the 80s. She
has done OK wearing evening gowns and turning letters with Pat Sajak.
Jaime’s career percolated for a few years
thru B-movies and “pictorials” in Maxim, FHM, Playboy
and a few of those calendars you see hanging in auto repair shops.
She began doing TV including a “car crash and shoot’em up” series
with Tiffany Amber-Thiessen in which she played a drug gang
skank. Their obligatory “lesbian kiss” ratcheted
ratings 8 points with her target demographics.
She is now riding a rocket playing “Joy”.
Earl’s ex-wife on “My Name Is Earl” –
the break-out comedy hit in NBC’s fall line-up. “Joy”
is a “trailer park skank with a heart of polyester”. Jaime
plays
her in a hilarious over-the-top fashion. Guess how she
developed the character of “Joy”?
Her recent appearance on Fox
& Friends created quite a local stir. As
millions gawked and leered she revealed that “Joy” was modeled after “the
people I knew growing up back in North Carolina” …
especially their odd customs like “driveway tanning with baby
oil and iodine”. The hommies were divided over whether she
should be more specific about her “home town” and ID the specific trailer
park skanks incorporated into “Joy”.
Be
Warned … the show is a tad “raw”. Not
for the genteel or easily offended (kinda like this website!)
Carmen Ele
ctra
was once Dennis Rodman’s arm candy. Now she is
co-starring in a new movie 
with
Steve Martin. In interviews Carmen and Jaime both
project a street-savy and the rare capability of not taking themselves too
seriously (Tar Heel fans take note!) despite the hubba hubba
they generate by simply entering a room. Sleek Ferraris
chased by dirty old men and pimply-faced punks neither of whom would know what
to do with’em if they ever caught’em.
Jaime
and BobLee might one day be co-Grand Marshals of the local Christmas
Parade … side-by-side on a flatbed truck surrounded by runny-nosed elves and
dodging incoming pea-shooters from the local miscreants. I’ll
be the one with the beard. Jaime will be one with the 38-D
cups.
Small Southern towns
They are SPECIAL!
© 2006 BobLee Swagger
