Southern Humorists.com

home search help contact
 
   

 

 

 


         Grandmaw vs. the Snake

              By Dana Sieben

 

 


 

 

 

 


The outhouse beckoned to Grandmaw one day,
She eagerly answered its call.
And since the town didn’t have plumbing yet,
It was the outhouse or nothing at all.

She hurried out to the small wooden shack
And opened the lopsided door,
The musty, cool darkness promised relief
As did the toilet paper on the floor.

Grandmaw went on in and tugged down her pants
And hovered right over the seat,
Balancing like all southern women do,
As she stared down at her dusty bare feet.

Then she looked up as she saw something shift
In the shadows above the door,
Grandmaw froze up like a deer on the road,
As a big snake descended to the floor.

Grandmaw, still hovering over the hole,
Yelled at the snake so it would go,
It didn’t care for the tone of her voice
So it hissed and lunged at her bare toes.

Grandmaw hollered and ran out of the shack
Pulling up her pants in her haste,
Grandpaw saw the whole thing from the porch,
Laughing and wiping the tears from his face.

Uncle Jack witnessed Grandmaw’s flight,
He blushed from his feet to his head,
He’d never seen his momma’s bare bottom before
And it made his face turn bright red.

They never let Grandmaw live that one down,
The whole story was passed with glee,
About the day that Grandmaw raced a snake
That prevented her from taking a pee.

© Dana Sieben

*  *  *  *  *

A native of Warrior, Alabama, Dana Sieben is a graduate of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa (Roll Tide!) with a B.A. in Communications and Creative Writing.

Dana is currently residing in the suburbs of Chicago, IL where she is subtly changing her northern husband for the better by introducing him to the joys of sweet tea, biscuits, hoppin' john (black eyed peas dish) and Talledega NASCAR races. She writes about her family, her southern heritage, and her new life up north with a bit of humor and nostalgia.

In addition to being a member of various writing forums, Dana has also been published in different issues of USA Deep South, Long Story Short and Muscadine Lines – A Southern Journal. She is also a contributing writer to Dew on the Kudzu and writes humor articles for Weight-Loss Articles.com.

Dana can be reached at www.Bamaalum91@wideopenwest.comor at her blog, Southern Gal Goes North.

 


Southern Humorists

- Chicken & Road 
- Writing Contest
- Naming a Hamster
- Bad Love Poems
- Boiled Peanuts
- Tipsy Chicken
- Marriage Advice
- Snake Handlin'
- Rhubarb
- Bacon Grease
- Ressel Pees
- Sassafras
- Fried Jelly Beans
- Sneaky Snake
- Snipe Huntin'
- Super Dudes
- Big Butts
- Redneck Car
- Purty Peggy
- Summer Thangs
- Tub O' Lard
- W'men or Girls
- Exclamation Mark
- Cut the Mustard
- Rooster Contest



 

Southern Humorists 
Humor Writers
  Humor Columnists
  Funny Bloggers 
Comedy Writers
 Online Support & 
Journalist Trade 
Discussion Group
Est. 2003

     Southern Humorists Trucker Hat
SoHum Merchandise


Redneck American Gothic

Dixie Dispatch


   Featured Writer at Southern Humorists

Grab a Button!.

Members' Websites
& Blogs

Frequently Asked
Questions


LIKE US 
at
Facebook

SouthernHumorists


Promote Your Page Too


 

Home · Team · Shop · Join  · Dixie Dispatch ·  Banners · Contact Us

"We Cover the Country Like Kudzu"

Copyright 2013 Southern Humorists' Enterprises
Editor - Angela Gillaspie | Editor - Sheila Moss | Consulting Editor - Ben Baker | Moderator Mark Berryman
Dixie Dispatch by Angela Gillaspie | SouthernHumorists.com by Sheila Moss | Publicity Editor - Leeuna Foster