Southern Humorists - Humor Columns by Alice Masci

My husband and I have the same argument every Christmas. My husband hates telling the kids there's a Santa Claus, while I on the other hand enjoy it. We both agree the real story of Christmas and Jesus' birth is the one that should get our greatest attention, so I just have fun with it. One of our 12 year olds thinks he is totally convinced there is no Santa, until I start telling him my observations.

Number One: On every American freeway there is a sign that shows where reindeer fly by when Santa delivers his presents to all the good children around the world. Now some people are in denial and say this is just a "deer crossing" sign but I have observed the way it is drawn to show the deer are actually in flight. If the city government officials believe in flying reindeer then who am I to argue? So if you want to see the reindeer fly by this Christmas, then you need to stand near one of those signs our good government officials put out for us and just wait and see. Watch out for falling presents though. Those big screen tvs can really hurt.

Number Two: I saw for myself at a local taxidermy shop several reindeer that must've flew way too low last Christmas. Why they were still stuck in the walls! Those poor things. Guess they either needed more flying lessons or poor Rudolph's nose went out causing the collision.

Number Three: Everyone I know who ever left cookies out for Santa found an empty plate in the morning! So what does that tell you? Ha...Darwin had nothing on his scientific experiments next to this one! Over 10 million homes were surveyed and every last one of them had empty cookie plates after those cookies were left for Santa only! There's just no way to dispute this!

So there you have it. Besides the fact you see the guy in the mall every weekend from Thanksgiving to Christmas (but some tell me that's just his helpers) I think my observations are evidence enough to convince the greatest doubters among us.

The one thing I can't figure out though is, why are the parents always stuck with the credit card bills and not Santa?

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Alice is a 42 year old stay-at-home Mom who lives near Atlanta, Georgia. She and her husband Richard have a blended family with 5 boys. She has two books published by Publish America.

You can read more of her work at her website: http://www.momtimeout.info/