Southern Humorists.com

home search help contact
 
   

 

 

 

 

What is this thing?


By Sharon D. Dillon



Imagine my surprise. This morning I opened one of the countless emails Eddie Bauer sends me. We must be really good friends because I get more email from Eddie than most of my friends and relatives. But I donít complain. His store is within walking distance and since Iím a casual kind of gal, I often shop there.

Any-hoo, back to the surprise. Scanning the email I noticed a promotional photo for something called an accelerant jacket. I must have a limited vocabulary because Iíve only heard that word used in relation to arson. ďThe perpetrator used newspapers and gasoline as an accelerant.Ē Then there is the similar word accelerator, that Iíve only heard used in relation to various kinds of motors.

Clicking on the photo I learned that this jacket has won ďChoiceĒ awards from both Climbers and Backpackers Magazines. It has all sorts of neat features and clings to the head and body for, Iím supposing, faster climbing.

Clinging jackets are not what I need. I try to buy clothes that hide the lumps, not accentuate them. Of course, if the jacket would shape me to fit it, Iíd buy several. Accelerant jackets would be my new fashion statement. Even so, Iím a bit nervous about buying a jacket called Accelerant. I want to look hot, not be hot enough to barbecue my ribs.

Perhaps Eddie and I could sit down over a plate of ribs and a couple beers and discuss brand names.

© 2013 Sharon D. Dillon

* * * * *

Sharon D. Dillon grew up in Ohio, lived most of her adult life in Wisconsin, and now lives in Williamsburg, VA. She holds B.A. in Professional Communications from Alverno College, Milwaukee, WI (1993) Sharon retired from the State of Wisconsin after 25 years and works part time at Busch Gardens and Jamestown Settlement/Yorktown Victory Center. She has one son, two daughters, two grandchildren, and three great-grandsons. She is interesting in healing modalities, such as Reiki and Transfigura-Regeneration, and has written for three newspapers and several magazines. Read more of her work at The Energy Writer blog.

 


Southern Humorists

- Chicken & Road 
- Writing Contest
- Naming a Hamster
- Bad Love Poems
- Boiled Peanuts
- Tipsy Chicken
- Marriage Advice
- Snake Handlin'
- Rhubarb
- Bacon Grease
- Ressel Pees
- Sassafras
- Fried Jelly Beans
- Sneaky Snake
- Snipe Huntin'
- Super Dudes
- Big Butts
- Redneck Car
- Purty Peggy
- Summer Thangs
- Tub O' Lard
- W'men or Girls
- Exclamation Mark
- Cut the Mustard
- Rooster Contest



 

Southern Humorists 
Humor Writers
  Humor Columnists
  Funny Bloggers 
Comedy Writers
 Online Support & 
Journalist Trade 
Discussion Group
Est. 2003

     Southern Humorists Trucker Hat
SoHum Merchandise


Redneck American Gothic

Dixie Dispatch


   Featured Writer at Southern Humorists

Grab a Button!.

Members' Websites
& Blogs

Frequently Asked
Questions


LIKE US 
at
Facebook

SouthernHumorists


Promote Your Page Too


 

Home ∑ Team ∑ Shop ∑ Join  ∑ Dixie Dispatch ∑  Banners ∑ Contact Us

"We Cover the Country Like Kudzu"

Copyright 2013 Southern Humorists' Enterprises
Editor - Angela Gillaspie | Editor - Sheila Moss | Consulting Editor - Ben Baker | Moderator Mark Berryman
Dixie Dispatch by Angela Gillaspie | SouthernHumorists.com by Sheila Moss | Publicity Editor - Leeuna Foster