Three years of dating my husband before I married him didn’t prepare me for his Bah Humbug! attitude toward the Yuletide season. The wonderful man I loved had turned into Ebenezer Scrooge’s evil twin brother.

Daily I heard complaints. “The lights are too tangled. We’ll never get them sorted. Why do we have to buy so many gifts, what are they going to give us? Why do you have to bake so much? The grocery store bill is going to kill me. Why do we have to take mittens, socks and teddy bears to church? “

The list of negative comments droned on and on in my ears. I tried to be my usual cheerful self. I love every Christmas activity as much as any kindergarten kid. But ol’ Bah Humbug was quickly eroding my holiday spirit. I tried to tell him how lucky we were to be givers, not receivers. I pointed out how wonderful he’d feel if he just stuffed himself with some holiday goodies. I bathed the house in joyous Christmas music. 

Nothing worked. In the immortal words of Cool Hand Luke, “what we had was a failure to communicate.” I decided I needed to communicate in a way that he would understand my point that the holiday season is a wondrous time. 

I figured since he spent twenty years in the Army, I’d appeal to his military side. I got right in his face. In a voice trained by rearing two teenagers who liked hard rock music, I shouted at him.

“Listen up, Buster. You will enjoy Christmas. You will enjoy sending Christmas cards, you will enjoy singing Christmas carols, you will enjoy decking the halls, you will enjoy hanging lights, you will enjoy giving gifts, you will enjoy eating fruitcake, and you will enjoy drinking egg nog. Do I make myself clear?”

Ol’ Bah Humbug straightened up, saluted and started singing, “Jingle Bells.” He hasn’t stopped singing carols since; except when he’s stuffing himself with Christmas goodies.

Thank you Uncle Sam and a Merry Christmas to all our troops. 

Copyright 2009 Brenda C. Birmelin

Brenda is a native Tar Heel and a card-carrying member of the UDC.  She has written humor pieces for a local tourist publication including one called, You Might Be a Coaster If...   Brenda was involved in a  partnership-published book called, If Laughter's the Best Medicine, I Can't Be Sick.  She also has been published in Women's Glibber  and The Best Contemporary Women's Humor.